Cerulean
by omens
Summary: “You won’t be the same,” she whispers, and it sounds more like “You won’t be like me.” Dean/Ruby


**Name:** Chris

**Title:** Cerulean

**Fandom:** Supernatural

**Genre:** General/Angst

**Rating:** T

**Summary:** "You won't be the same," she whispers, and it sounds more like "You won't be like me." [Dean/Ruby

…0…

Blue.

Ruby's eyes were blue. A pale, silvery kind of blue.

That was the thing that could deceive someone about whom, about what, she really was. Her eyes let her walk amongst the masses, the blessedly oblivious masses. Had they any idea that any pretty, petite blonde walking alongside them down Main Street could be a monster…Dean was fairly certain bedlam would erupt.

As the weeks wore on and winter began to thaw, the thoughts of those blue eyes of hers began to occupy his thoughts more and more. And he wondered more about the girl behind them.

"_I remember what its like, to be human."_

Would he?

He didn't know, never dared to ask in the months he'd known her, how long she had been a demon. The idea of Ruby as she must have been, young and beautiful, lost in the throws of a dark magic she couldn't possibly understand, in a time where it was dangerous to even think of practicing such an evil, made him queasy.

Not that he knew what time she was from. It had been so long since she'd died, he doubted she even remembered.

Right?

She said that not all of her soul was gone yet, that there was still a small faction of humanity left inside of her that made her fight what had drawn her in, to fight with him and Sam and Bobby, against whatever came at them.

The part that longed for redemption.

"A quiet bridge over the river." Her voice is laced with the sarcasm he had come to expect in their conversations. "Could you be any more predictable?"

Dean doesn't even bother to look up as she settles down beside him. Her boots, the same scuffed black ones she always wore, knock a few small pebbles into the murky water below them and she leaned back on her hands.

"Want to talk predictable, you're the one who keeps popping up whenever a get a moment alone," he shoots back.

Laughter seems like it would die on the lips of the girl beside him, if she can even be considered a girl anymore, with her attitude and the air of menace that she radiated, but the sound is deep enough, bitter enough, to not be so out of place.

Reaching behind her to pick up a larger rock, Ruby flings it into the water with an absentminded flair that reminds him of his own. "Popping up and predictable kinda cancel each other out, Genius."

Dean chuckles. There's not much funny about his life these days, but finding some humor in the midst his impending death is easier than the anger that keeps growing inside of him. It's a hell of a lot easier than dealing with the pain and fear taking hold of his chest, that's for sure.

"What exactly do I owe this little visit to? Another nest of your fellow Wiccan wonders for us to clean out? Or something a little tamer; like rattlesnakes?"

Their eyes finally meet; disdain reflecting back and forth between the blue and the green. "Ha ha. Little brother summoned me. Read about this man who got out of his deal."

"Yeah?" Try as he might, there's nothing he can do to keep the edge of hope out of his voice.

Something-sympathy? pity?-flashes on her face. He curses inwardly before the wall that makes up Ruby's shell is back in place and she smirks. "Yeah. Kind of a one in a million deal though. Once you go Faust, there's no escape clause."

"So my one way ticket is still reserved," he supplies. He doesn't need her to say it. In all honesty, he couldn't handle it. She is their number one resource on all things Hell related right now. A confirmation would just be the final nail in his proverbial coffin.

"Next stop, fire and brimstone."

Was it just him, or did she seem to enjoy saying that?

Dean smiles, letting it linger longer than he feels like; stretching his arms out over the rusty railing that sits between them and the rushing water below. Strange how certain death takes the fear out of accidental death. The thought of an eternity in the fiery pit alongside the father also enduring it to save the life he'd traded, it sent a chill down his spine that settled in his stomach. Thoughts like that were the only thing that made it through the barriers his numb acceptance usually held. That was all that was left once he finally admitted, to Sam and himself, that he actually cared.

But his brother was still going to be alive. That's all that mattered. His number had come up already. He was just trading off the free pass his dad's damnation had gotten him.

Her words, softer than comfortable, break into his musings. "You won't be the same," she whispers, and it sounds more like "You won't be like me." Dean knows that. It would take years, decades maybe, before he could hope to have any part of her acceptance of her fate.

"I hope not," he admits. "Once I'm down there, I don't want to remember. I just want to be another mindless minion."

Her lips purse and a scowl crosses the features he's been thinking about too much lately. "If you think that's going to make it easier once you're down there-"

"I don't," he snaps. With a sigh and another curse that he lets out this time, he turns to look at her-really look at her. "I see how much it bothers you to remember being human." Watching her bristle and stiffen her posture, he sucks in a deep breath. "That's not what I want; to know why I'm down there. To know I don't deserve it."

"You set it up," she reminds him, but when she looks away a softer tone comes out of her mouth. "It is hard. I can still see my life in my head; my friends, my family." Ruby stops, looks down at her hands on the rail, takes a deep breath. "The hardest part? The memory of making that deal; selling my soul for power…" Her eyes are darker when she glances back over at him. Not the black of her true nature, but not the deceptively innocent pale shade he's used to either. "I would give anything to take that back. To live my life the way I was meant to."

Offering that truth up to him must be like extracting teeth for her, but she does it. Even though a part of him can't help but hate her in the way he was raised to hate all things evil, Dean has to respect that she's honest with him. She doesn't lie to him like she had done with Sam, refuses to sugar coat what lies ahead of him like Bobby tried to do. It wasn't as if Bobby actually knew what he was in for.

"Do you regret it?"

That's the first time anyone has asked. He's sure that they've all thought it; Sam, Bobby, even Bela must have wondered. But what good would asking do? They would all get the standard answer.

"I'm supposed to be dead already. All I did was even things up."

Ruby scoffs, and at this, he's taken by surprise. It wasn't as if he thought anyone would genuinely believe him, but no one had ever been so blatant about it. Especially without words. "You're a terrible liar, Dean."

"Hey! I'll have you know that I've lied and scammed my way back and forth across this country my entire life. Parts of Canada too. Even Mexico once. You want to talk bad lying? I had some dude believing I was from El Salvador once."

A shake of her head sends her blonde hair shimmying across her shoulders, skimming over the gloss of her leather jacket in the moonlight that he watched to distract himself from her words. "There's a difference between convincing some senile old codger you're a step away from Speedy Gonzalez and trying to deny your fear to someone who's been there."

"How did you…?"

She gives him that look, that 'You've got to be kidding?' tilt of her chin and the deadpan eyes he's seen more time than he can count now. Why is he surprised? Girls who come with knives that aren't supposed to exist and more info than twenty internets, girls who aren't even technically just girls anymore, are full of surprises. "Right."

Had they been anyone other than who they were this would have been the moment that she put a hand on his arm in consolation or maybe even placed it over his. But they weren't anybody else. She was a witch turned exiled demon fighting for the opposing team and he was a hunter who had sold his soul to save his brother. Normal had flown out of the window long before their paths had crossed and now here they were. Two beings with no right to get along, and a connection neither of them wanted.

"Time's running out, isn't?"

Dean exhaled heavily, the scent of salt water and fresh rain soaking into his lungs. He would miss this…eventually. "A few weeks."

Her head bobbed in understanding. "That explains Sam's renewed fire." She looked at him, those blue eyes of hers conflicted, and yet so clear. "He's scared."

"He's not the only one." Why he admitted it to her, of all people, he would never be able to say. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that she had been there. "Do me a favor." She looks skeptical, and he wants to smile, but holds it back since this isn't a fun favor like she probably thinks knowing him. "Check up on Sammy once in a while. He needs someone around to kick his ass or he gets all broody and depressing. Who wants that?"

Rolling her eyes, Ruby nods, tossing a few more pebbles into the water below. "Like that was ever an issue."

"Good."

Both of their faces turn, watching the first glints off pink and gold hitting the water off the sunrise until the bright blue hung overhead.

One down, just a few more to go.

…0…


End file.
